Fly with the wind

 

                                                                                                                                                                                              th.bing.com

I revisited my old self from May when I was depressed about my past mistakes. I read what I wrote in my previous blog post, and it feels weird because I cannot associate the ‘ME’ in the now with the person who wrote it three months ago. Was that really me? Did I really feel that much emotion over a long distant memory? Of course, I did.

 I was just being sarcastic right now but, it actually did happen—

Until it had just stopped one day...

And it felt good.

Now I feel good!

Imagine how emotions can change in a short time. One moment you cannot get up in bed for constant ruminating, and you just want to vomit out all the sad feelings inside, and the next moment they were gone, and you are just fine. It made me realize that this is how to be human.

Maybe I allowed myself to be consumed with those whirlwinds of emotions because I need to move on from a bitter past. I admit that, never did I give myself the time to grieve for it. I just went on with my life ignoring my own feelings. I diverted my attention to other things instead of giving myself time to feel how much it hurt me and slowly heal from it. 

I guess it has something to do with my ego that I did not allow myself to go through the stages of moving on—denial, pain, guilt, acceptance, and all. I thought ignoring all the drama would make me forget about it all. And yes, it did for many years until it caught me during the time of a world pandemic when I was idle, isolated from my loved ones, and far from my support system. Unfortunately, the time when I was emotionally vulnerable. 

So, this is how the universe plays a joke on me, huh?            

Kidding aside, I was grateful that it came to me this time.  When I am more mature, more logical enough to analyze things, and cope with bad feelings. When I can see things from a mountaintop view. So, I can be more understanding and more forgiving of myself and others.

I just think that maybe we parted ways with people that we love because we had to. Perhaps, our time with them was cut short because God wants to exempt us from a grave danger or a more painful event to come had we stayed longer. Maybe it was best for us, and we must experience another life with new people and not tie ourselves down to something or someone who might hinder our growth. 

Sometimes, life wants to teach us important lessons by letting us experience pain. So, we become better, so we know how to suffer in pain, and for that, we shall strive not to inflict pain on others. I believe that it was all for the best.

Those heartbreaks, career rejections, business failures, loss of loved ones and everything ugly that happened in the past must have had reasons. And those reasons are for our own good, for us to survive this life stronger, to lead us to the life that we truly deserve, a future that our heart yearns for.

That is why it is okay to be sad, get mad, and grieve over something that was gone. It is okay to wallow in different emotions shall they come to visit you and slowly detach from them when you have to.

 Accept that not all things will go as planned. Life might take you to a different path you never imagined to be a better option. You do not need to control everything.  Just have to let nature take its course, fly with the wind, be in for a ride and let life surprise you.