Getting into Stoicism

 

These days, it is a huge challenge to pick up a book to read when we are bombarded with too many distractions. Sometimes I find myself endlessly watching Tiktok and scrolling Facebook for entertainment which makes me feel guilty afterward. So, I try to control myself and not waste too much time on non-productive things like social media. I make sure that after dinner, as I retreat to my room, I would drop everything and open my Kindle. I have been reading every night, which is very therapeutic for me. It is one of the things I am grateful for, having the luxury of time to read.

Since the start of this health crisis that we're in, I got really interested in the philosophy of stoicism. So, I consume videos, blogs, and books about this topic the most. I learned about it in school but only as part of the history of Rome. Now that I am beginning to understand it, I plan to incorporate this philosophy into my life. Since I had known about stoicism, I became more mindful of what I do, what I say, and even how I think. I am learning about myself and the world. 

As I mature, I noticed that my mind became more open. Now it is like a sponge that absorbs knowledge quickly and craves wisdom. I believe that there will come a time for each person when he starts looking for the meaning of his life on earth, taking care of his priorities, and working on how he wants to be remembered by others. And we will go through this phase of 'soul-searching' once or many times in our life.

Stoics aim to live in accordance with nature. It means accepting your fate for whatever life throws at you without getting mad or losing your sense of self if things don't go your way. It's being calm, and having your dignity intact even if the world expects you to be offended and revengeful. Focusing your energy on the things you have control over rather than waste time on the things you are not in control of.

Stoicism has four cardinal virtues: wisdom, justice, courage, and moderation. It was further discussed by author Donald Robertson in his book "How to think like a Roman Emperor" It was an easy-to-read book in understanding stoicism as he incorporated its modern application in our present society. He also shared its origin and the life of the great Stoic emperor, Marcus Aurelius. In this book, there is a line that says, "Virtue consists of doing your very best and yet not becoming upset if you come from the hunt empty-handed," and it resonates a lot with me.

Recently I applied to this job opening online. I hesitated at first because it would be a big jump from my role at my current job. I was scared of the possibility that I might be rejected or accepted.  Honestly, I was more afraid of getting the job than failing. I have no idea what is waiting for me in another company, in another role. But, if I would not try, how would I know if I would fail or pass? And if ever I win the job, how would I know if I can do the job or not? How will I grow if I am not going to try something new?  I am an overthinker. And the unknown frightens me, but the Stoics say, "The less attached we are to outcomes, the better." So, I pushed that send button and emailed my application. Not thinking about the outcome brings me peace of mind. 

In times of failure, rejections, and in most things that come into our lives, ego is the enemy. I just finished the book "Ego is the Enemy" by Ryan Holiday last night, and I was so glad to have found it. Stoics aim to suppress ego at all times as it is very damaging to any person. And I couldn't agree more.

I, myself, admit that I have had a big ego since I was younger. I can still remember a bull session with my friends during high school. One of my friends told me, one thing that she did not like about me was, I am such a "prima donna" She elaborated that she meant I was too bossy and always wanting to have the last word, that I get mad when things don't go my way. And it seems everything will fail if we do against my plan. I didn't know it, that was how my friends perceived me, but I appreciate that someone bravely said that to me because I was unaware of my bad attitude. From then, I already knew that being a prima donna is mean. And as I grew older, I always reminded myself of that comment from my friend to keep me away from being controlling.

There were also instances in my life when I had let my ego win, and I am not proud of them. Many years ago, I once hated a company I had worked for, for not giving me the promotion I thought I deserved and envied those who got promoted thinking that I was better than them. I was overly entitled. I thought I was the only one who worked hard in the team. Now when I recall those days, I laugh because all my energy wasted on hating was futile.

I also remember someone criticizing me from my previous job. This person was popularly known in the office as rude and cynical. Despite knowing that, I still allowed myself to be his prey. I found his remarks very offensive because I don't believe I deserved the disrespect when I worked hard. Instead of ignoring him, I made a few emails to him that made the situation worse. Even after our problem was resolved, I felt that my reputation at work had been damaged by that incident. Sure, I learned a lot from that situation and swore to think first before acting on feelings.

"Those who have subdued their ego understand that it doesn't degrade you when others treat you poorly; it degrades them."

Life taught me the hard way to manage my emotions better. I think and act way differently now than before. All the failures and heartbreaks that I have experienced in my life taught me to be humble and understanding. I cannot say that I don't have an ego anymore now that I have known better because that is not true. We are humans with feelings, and we interact with other humans who are bad-mannered and arrogant. And life won't always be fair to us. Suppressing my ego is hard work that I aim to master and practice at all times, in all events. 

It is hard to become stoic in this era when there is a global health crisis. When poverty and hunger are widespread, climate change and global warming worsen, consumerism and mental illnesses are becoming rampant, and wars between countries are endless. But, it is possible. 

Most of the world issues that we have today existed in the past. Yet, some ancient people managed to live with purpose and virtues like Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, and others. History teaches us that the stoic virtues they embodied and practiced during their time served them greatly.  I think that stoic teachings can massively benefit our lives in the present.

 I was so inspired by this quote from Sir R. Holiday,

"But no less impressive an accomplishment: being better people, being happier people, being balanced people, being content people, being humble and selfless people. Or better yet, all of these traits together".